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That was tough!

I am not sure many of you know, but I am a dad. My son is 5 and we have a pecu­liar sit­u­a­tion where we live in dif­fer­ent coun­tries. Life has tak­en us to this strange and unde­sired place and we do our best to man­age it. 
 
Every school hol­i­day I trav­el and we spend the hol­i­days togeth­er some­where in the world. 
 
Last night, after spend­ing his birth­day and the New Year with me in Lon­don my son left to go back to his school. 
 
I will not sug­ar coat it. It was tough. He is so incred­i­ble and his cur­rent age is so much fun! I do not wish for any­one in the world to feel what I felt when I said good bye. 
 
Even as I write this I can still feel emo­tion­al from his last hug and our part­ing words. 
 
After leav­ing them at air­port secu­ri­ty, I walked back to the trains and went home. I decid­ed to take the slow path, to give myself time to man­age the moment I had just expe­ri­enced and so, when I final­ly got home, I would have been recom­posed and ready to be pro­duc­tive once again — or ready to give myself a lit­tle more time to assim­i­late the moment, so that my next day would not be affect­ed. 
 
Now, when I write these words they do seem like a tall goal. But ulti­mate­ly, the impor­tant aspect is that life hap­pens and we need to man­age what­ev­er comes our way and remain focused and pro­duc­tive. 
 
So how did I man­age the moment?
In short, I breathed. 
 
This allowed me to man­age my emo­tions. It allowed me to expe­ri­ence the moment and feel how deep my love is for my son and how much it breaks my heart to say good bye. It allowed me real­ly feel sor­row. As these emo­tions over­took me, I also felt the ener­gy they brought with them and breath­ing was the key to trans­form­ing this ener­gy from an intro­spec­tive moment to a pro­duc­tive moment. 
 
Here is how it works: 
There are many schools of thought on how to man­age emo­tions. Some schools say to avoid the feel­ing, even to pre­tend that it is not there, “hold those tears back”. Anoth­er way of think­ing is to allow the emo­tions to arise, to feel deeply and then trans­mute this ener­gy into pro­duc­tiv­i­ty. In the DeROSE Method we teach and work with the lat­ter — feel, but you should be the deci­sion mak­er as to how this emo­tion is going to make you act. 
 
Why does breath­ing work?
When an emo­tion aris­es it cre­ates a host of phys­i­cal, ener­getic and psy­cho­log­i­cal effects. From a phys­i­cal lev­el the (the auto­mat­ic response sys­tems (sym­pa­thet­ic or the parasym­pa­thet­ic) may be acti­vat­ed. At an ener­getic lev­el you may feel more ener­gy, more vital­i­ty, more strength; or the very oppo­site. From a psy­cho­log­i­cal per­spec­tive the inter­ac­tion between your mind and feel­ings is dis­turbed as the emo­tions are less sta­ble and your mind is eclipsed by the inten­si­ty of the emo­tions. 
 
Breath­ing is a key ele­ment in this chain reac­tion. As the auto­mat­ic sys­tems kick in there may be more hor­mon­al pro­duc­tion, changes in the ten­sion of mus­cles, heart rate, skin con­duc­tiv­i­ty and even the rate of breath­ing. As these sys­tems are auto­mat­ic, they enter a feed­back loop and inten­si­fy the expe­ri­ence. 
 
Chang­ing the way you breathe can dis­rupt this chain effect and allow the sys­tems to regain sta­bil­i­ty. How­ev­er, this requires some train­ing in breath­ing and aware­ness of this inter­nal process tak­ing place. 
 
Can you do it?
Every­one can achieve these effects. Since 2008 i have been train­ing my stu­dents a few times per week so that when the moments arise they are ready to man­age and to direct events. But I felt that this was not enough… 
 
So I devel­oped a free app to teach every­one to breathe. 
 
In this app you will find 8 instruc­tion­al videos total­ing over 30 min­utes of expla­na­tions, train­ing and teach­ing of the tech­niques and their intri­ca­cies. But just learn­ing is not enough, you need to put in train­ing, just as learn­ing the mechan­ics of rid­ing a bicy­cle will not teach you how to ride a bike… So you will also find 24 train­ing ses­sions, last­ing no more than 5 min­utes each. This is over 2.5 hours of train­ing so that, over the course of 12 days, you can acquire the skills and expe­ri­ence need­ed to put this into action. 
 
Does it work?
Well, this arti­cle is a fruit of this train­ing. I felt the immense sor­row of say­ing good bye to my son and when I got home I trans­formed that ener­gy into this arti­cle!
 
You can do this too.
 
 
 

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